Having good leadership with-in any system is important. Leadership is often times the glue that hold an organization together. So what qualities does one need to have in order to be an effective leader? One can do a quick search on google and find many words like Integrity, Motivate, Inspire, Confidence, Positive Attitude, and much more. In this weeks discussions in class I looked at two characteristics that can not be over looked.
Self Differentiated
The first characteristic is being a self differentiated leader. Edwin Friedman discusses this in his book A Failure of Nerve. Being self differentiated leader means understanding your self and your own emotions. When leaders are able to understand their own anxiety and emotions they can be an effective leader. Friedman describes this as knowing were one begins and ends. A leader that has true understanding of themselves is able to connect with others but remain connected to them selves at the same time. An effective leader doesn’t get sucked into the whirlwinds of the workplace, but stays strong in their own convictions. A self differentiated leader has the ability to take a stand on issues or topics that have the ability to change their system. They make tough decisions in the face of over whelming criticism.
For me as a leader one of the biggest things that I need to be on the look out for is Sabotage. When one is being a self differentiated leader they are most likely going to see sabotage. You will be see as a threat and those around you will try to sabotage what you are working on. If this happens know that the process is working. If you are truly self differentiated then you will be able to see that this is happening and be able to defuse the situation.
Crucial Conversations
The second characteristic is being able to have crucial conversations. This is not your everyday conversation sitting around in the teacher lounge conversation. This is a conversation that has opposing opinions, strong emotions, and high stakes. These are the type of conversations that nobody wants to have. In the end these are the types of conversations that need to be had if change is to be received and developed in your organization. I believe that many of us have never been taught how to have these conversations. The book Crucial Conversations lays down a framework for how to have these conversations with in your organization. By utilizing the process a leader can ensure a much more transparent workplace. With transparency comes trust and understanding of what is going to happen. As I move forward with blended learning in my school district, I know someone along the way will question it.
Crucial Conversations Process
1. GET UNSTUCK
Too many times I have been in a conversation that just keep spinning its wheels. The first thing when having a crucial conversation is understanding that you are stuck and now looking to figure out how to get past it. With implementing blended learning in my school district I am sure that there will be difficult conversations ahead.
2. START WITH THE HEART
When those conversations come up and they will, you will need to ask yourself some questions. You need to ask your self what your motives are and what do you want to accomplish with in the conversation. Because if you allow your heart to take over in a conversation one might go down the wrong path in a conversation. You need to make sure that your heart and your brain are both in focus. For me I am passionate about blended learning and the necessity for it to be implemented with in my district. I need to be careful not to fall into the trap of letting my heart run a conversation.
3. LEARN TO LOOK
This is one of those areas where you need to understand when the wheels are going to fall off. The sooner that is done the sooner that the conversation can get back on track. Things that need to be looked for….
- When the conversation is becoming crucial
- learn to watch for safety signs
- watch for those becoming silent or violent
Understanding these signs are crucial for everyone involved in the process. Emotions can run high but at the end of the day we all want what is best for students. It is important that I understand these signs.
4. MAKE IT SAFE
When having a crucial conversation things can become heated and people may feel unsafe. When the conversation has hit this point I need to step out and restore safety for all involved. “It might be a good time to change gears for a second.” This might be a way to have all involved reset for a second. Once I am able to understand where the safety risk is address the risk and restore the safety of the conversation. If apologies are needed then they should be done. Everyone needs to have respect for each other. People need to be able to feel safe to let down their guard when having these conversations.
5. MASTER MY STORIES
Whether you like it or not the story will be told. Will you be in charge of your story? Some times in the passions of conversation people get lost in their story. It is important that I don’t get lost in my story. I am passionate about Blended Learning but that doesn’t mean that I can’t get lost in my own story. At the same time having stories that corroborate my own is important. Some times it is important to not only share your own story but others as well. In order to keep the conversation on point don’t lose your way in your own story.
6. STATE MY PATH
- Share your Facts
- Tell your story
- Ask for others paths
- Talk tentatively
- Encourage Testing
Following these steps allows your conversation to build and have structure in the toughest of moments. Remembering these steps can help me follow an outline for success in these conversations.
7. EXPLORE OTHERS’ PATHS
How to listen when other blow up or clam up. Knowing when to listen is just as important talking. The trick here is not to get hurt while listening. Understand what people are feeling and saying. Understanding that listening is sometimes the best way to persuading can be difficult. Listening gives up a sense of control in the conversation. Listen carefully and allow people to move to the roots of the problem. This can help all move in the right direction.
7. MOVE TO ACTION
Remember getting unstuck, that was the whole purpose of the conversation. Lets not have the same conversation again! That was the goal at the start. While having the conversation was probably not as comfortable as you would like, it was important in moving closer to real action. By having these conversations you can move past the road blocks and get down to business. I will be sure to write down our decisions and how we plan to move on. If similar issues arise around the same problem I will remind people of the last conversation and what we all decided on. This can help keep everyone on track and in the groove.
I think that this is one of my weakest areas when leading. I look forward to practicing these skills to better help me be a better leader. If I can stay to the process described, I think that I can not only help myself but others in my district.
Resources:
Friedman, E. H. (2007). A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the age of the quick fix
Patterson, K., Grenny, J., & Swizler, A. (2012). Crucial conversations: tools for talking when stakes are high
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